I’ve often wondered when the facility that I can recall bad memories will be out-stripped by the good memories flooding back in every day.
I think I am reaching that point.
Today was a good day. I got all of my shopping done and am now just waiting on the online purchases to get here — I’ve cut it close, but even if the big gifts don’t make it, I have backups.
Building new memories and letting go of the most troubling ones is not something that I think I can do over night, but I’ve made a start. Roberto is right — making memories of family and togetherness is what I should hold onto. Those sweet girls — my nieces — are the future of our family. While at times their idea of me is something of a clown — they count on me for funny stories — I teach them things that they don’t get to experience in their suburban lives. I’m a little exotic for them. Like when I gave them trinkets that my students had given me. I’m pretty sure that my oldest niece is the only girl in her school with a shoulder bag from Kazakhstan. My middle niece screamed last Saturday that she wanted me to be her teacher. Sadly, I had to tell he since she speaks English, that wouldn’t happen. But in another way, I teach her and her sisters every time I am with them.
Better memory building is what I need. It’s what I am doing. I never want to forget my dad. Perhaps I can imagine him with us on these great granny cooking days, too. Perhaps I can see him with the girls. My dad was always the funny one. Perhaps I am filling in that missing piece — as best I can.