BREAKING NEWS!! POOCH-SITTER PROVES PUSHOVER TO PERSISTENT PRISON-BREAK PUPS!!

Yes! A second breakout but this time it wasn’t possum-chasing Dora. She was inside, in the bedroom (luckily, as it turned out). I saw pup-silhouettes on the front porch through the stained glass and then suddenly they were both airborne & barking. I stepped outside to check & saw Tammy standing by the side gate growling, Murphy backing her up from beside the tree. When I got to the sidewalk I could see 2 kitties by my car, in typical kitty stand-off pose, although I couldn’t make out who they were. Suddenly they went from stand-off to loony tunes kick-yer-ass ball of fury and Tammy, very upset, just bowled right through the gate. I mean, literally, she looked like an angry buffalo from behind. She disappeared down the driveway and I shot out the front gate, pausing just long enough to latch it behind me … or so I thought … Kitties had by now taken a rain-check on their quarrel and scattered and after several idiot circlings of my & Michelle’s car (a sad sight I’m sure, slow biped following chubby pup) I caught up with her by the utility room door. She didn’t have a collar or harness to hold on to, so I gently gripped her by the ears and tried to stir her back up the driveway, all the time certain that Murph was about to follow her through the side gate. Tammy reverted to leadbutt Tammy and sat there with me crouched over trying not to squeeze her ears too tight. I was trying to gauge whether I could keep my grip and reach up and unlock the door one-handed, once I wrestled the keys out of my pocket and located the right one in the darkness. I suddenly could not for the live of me visualize where Dora was? Safe in the bedroom? Quietly waiting just the other side of the utility room door, poised for mayhem? I glanced down the driveway but still no Murph. Time for decision! I reached up and tried the key (wrong!), tried another key (epic fail!), cursed and tried the third & success was achieved! I lifted Tammy up the steps and shoved her inside, closed the door and raced back down the driveway, bouncing my funny-bone off my sideview mirror (but managing not to whimper too loudly). When I got to the side gate I saw that Tammy had not busted the middle pickets as I’d thought and they were still attached at the crossbar. Somehow Murphy had managed to wedge his head under the fence (! ? ! ?) and was wriggling around on the ground. I put my one hand on his silly little head, pushed up on the bottom of the gate with the other & he slid back into the yard. Relief! But NOOOOO! He bounced up, did a happy circle or two and then out the front gate he went, not so latched after all! But he was tangling with the wrong human and made the mistake of stalling at the edge of the neighbor’s drive to smell some weeds and I tackled him in the ditch (just like the kids at the rodeo!). When I got him back inside I went out & moved the garbage can as close to the side gate as I could get it. Before I did I forgot to ask myself: had it rained earlier that day? (yes, it had); was the dent in the lid still there? the one that serves as a perfect reservoir for rainwater? (yes, it was). Did I manage to tilt the garbage can so that the accumulated water drenched me from the waist down? OF COURSE I DID!!!
Back inside, having checked to make sure everything was locked down and secure, I made myself a nice cup of tea, smoked 3 cigarettes in a quick chain, and told Caroline and Cisco what good good kitties they were.

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2 responses to “BREAKING NEWS!! POOCH-SITTER PROVES PUSHOVER TO PERSISTENT PRISON-BREAK PUPS!!

  1. Damned at Random

    TEA!! After all that? Is there no single malt scotch in the house? You should seriously renegotiate your pet setting contract

  2. I got him a nice t-shirt and a snowglobe. He likes snowglobes.

    I guess you are not on the short list for next pup-sitter?

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